The attempts on my life by the Foreign Affairs Office grow increasingly predictable. Just yesterday, my assigned official offered me a cup of a soup, and then stabbed me repeatedly in the neck.
As anyone who's ever even glimpsed a pamphlet concerning the races knows, the musculature of a Han Chinese is simply too weak around the wrists to cause any real damage to one of Nordic descent. We had quite a laugh about it afterward, and I joked that if they didn't get any new additions to their library soon, at least they would bore me to death!
Well, I laughed.

Received care package from Flevins, Fay, and Ffuhrmeister. Package contained:

one (1) half-deck of playing cards, Jokers removed and replaced with Green and Red Mana from a Magic: The
Gathering booster pack
two (2) labels peeled from bottles of Boone's Farm, the writing of which inexplicably seems to be Dutch
one (1) "crazy" straw, heavily patched together with scotch tape.
S
pent several hours attempting to unravel mystery of why my friends would send me such a random assortment of tchotskies when I clearly requested fresh Moleskins and perhaps a concert recording of "Astral Weeks." Was convinced it was an elaborate rebus, until I fortuitously remembered that my friends are retarded.

Apparently drank lighter fluid. No longer know German.

Wrote original song about the under-appreciated comic genius of Paul Rudd. In German.

Read Rilke in the original German.

Decided to teach myself German.

Awoke with port-flecked lips to sun rising over Ala'er like the incandescent pupil of a half-drunk god. Dumbstruck, I searched for words, but did not have them. Perhaps no one did.
Eyes welling with tears, I realized that it did not matter. No stanza, no photograph, no oils on canvas are worth a good goddamn without someone to share in the moment that inspires them. Our lives are only worth living together.
Friends and family, I love you all.


April Fools! Read Ovid in my boxers while sipping a reasonable facsimile of paint thinner. Thought of writing poetry, but feel asleep with my face on a shoe.
Oh man, I totally got you guys so bad.